March 17, 2002

Exploring life

Where the heck have I been? Off trying to figure out what the hell happened to my life. When Anne moved out, I realized that many parts of my life were dysfunctional. It's quite disturbing to wake up one morning and realize your life is built on landfill...

Quoting the Talking Heads, "And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack, and you may find yourself in another part of the world, and you may find youself behind the wheel of a large automobile, and you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife, and you may ask yourself "How did I get here?"...

My buddy Jason noted that ever since Anne left I've been moving frenetically, focusing on something and living it 200%, then without warning moving to something else at full throttle. I think this behavior weirded out some of my friends, who were expecting me to mourn, not throw myself into a completely different lifestyle.

There is reason, even in chaos. I've been exploring the pilings that anchor my life; rethinking my life and priorities. I had been living far too long without goals, dreams, passion, and a spiritual "home".

I feel whole again, finally. Months of travel, extreme hours on a work project that finally shipped, and honest introspection about my strengths and weaknesses leave me feeling better about my world. I've been telling friends that being in my 30's is the best of all worlds. Humility and wisdom are a great compliment to phyiscal/emotional capacity and passion.

I've started designing and noodling again, which is great. I'm going to document my projects here. Accepting the way my mind works (for the first time in my life), I'm going to start dropping content constantly, rather than focusing on how it looks. I'd rather iterate on something twenty times than work silently on something that no one ever sees.

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